In the past few days I have been in contact with several people who made the same statement: I don’t do conflict!
When we view conflict as dangerous, it tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we go into a conflict feeling threatened it will be much harder to deal with the problem in a way towards resolution, and we are more likely to revert to the fight or flight response.
Some causes of conflict can come from a disagreement of:
- Is more than just a disagreement.
- Is a situation where one or both parties perceive a threat (real or imagined)
- Fester when ignored.
- Perceived threat to the well-being and survival.
- Are responded to on personal perceptions based on our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs.
- Trigger strong emotions. If a person cannot or will not manage their emotions, resolution will most likely be unsuccessful.
- Are an opportunity for growth. This can lead to trust and stronger relationships. When a person is secure in the relationship, they will be better able to survive challenges and disagreements.
Resolution of Conflict:
- Make the understanding the priority rather than winning or being right. Listen to understand before being understood.
- Watch and listen to the other person’s feelings and then their words. Many time their feeling will reveal what their words do not.
- Focus on the present rather than the past.
- Be willing to let go of the resentment.
- Be willing to agree to disagree and move on.
- Use appropriate humor to reduce the tension and anger.
D.W.(Dick) Powell The Leadership Wrangler